Blurried Musings (a Kafkaesquí blog joint)
"If you can't annoy somebody, there is little point in writing."    Kingsley Amis
June 09, 2003
It Takes an Agenda

Early today, wide awake, and not atypically I found myself at the computer. Meanwhile in the next room, a conservative radio talk show tag-team spent the hour chattering on imbecilically (Ok, they occasionally hit a comic note). The topic is Hillary Clinton's chat with Barbara Walters last evening.

After a thorough analysis of the interview, objectively weighing her answers and putting their considerable talents at discerning reality to use, they find Hillary to be (A) cold, (B) a liar, (C) cold, (D) a calculating shrew, and (E) as cold as ice on an ice planet rotating about a frozen ice star in the galaxy Frigidia. Also, they decide she's quite the fool when it comes to love because she's dumb for being off-stage when Merry Monica was practicing the mouth organ, and dumb for sticking it out with Bill instead of sticking it to him. She's moronic as any wife of the previous Democratic president can be since she willingly (yet coldly, calculatingly) forgave him. The only other option is she's not telling us the truth, that cold, calculating lying bitch! Rest assured these judgments are not contaminated by any sort of ideological furor brought on by an irrational hatred of all things Clinton. No, not in the least. Their intentions are as pure as the driven snow blowing through Hillary's scheming, dishonest body.

Am I bothered by these regular assaults from the right on poor Hillary? Hardly. I'm not what you'd call a fan. For one thing, I won't be picking up the book. Another political autobiographical tell little. Joy! For another, when provided the choice for senator between Hillary Clinton and Rick Lazio, I pass. So except for the fact it ALWAYS seems like the buzzing is going on in the background, it fazes me little. And believe it or not, it's not the real topic of this blog entry.

Back to the non-dynamic radio duo: unusual for their show, a few deeply liberal-minded callers were put through right off to make their complaints. As you'd expect, these protests were standard issue and weak on the defense. (Liberals with strong rejoinders getting past the call screener? Hah! hehehe. Good stuff...) I listen offhandedly, drifting between keyboard clacks and static broadcast moans. Eventually, to avoid spitting my morning coffee from the utter stupidity of it all, I tune out the radio noise. Yet for the anticlimactic siege the callers' feeble attacks affected, a few things resulting from their interaction are worth setting down.

At one point the disproportionate number of conservative voices in talk radio came up, which let the squawk jock in the ring at the time take aim at a strawtarget. Before he got to it, he explained one reason for the lack of balance between conservative and liberal views on radio is because liberals listen to conservatives, whereas conservatives won't typically tune in liberals. The unstated slur behind this: liberals have nothing worth listening to. However, as he left it unsaid, I choose to take it as quite the Freudian slip of a confession! Conservatives are not close-minded, no sirree. But the road most travelled for him was that it's the "liberal agenda" that gets in the way of their ability to communicate to anyone else (I assume that's anyone not another lefty socialist commie thug) and find their place on the radio dial. You see, liberals are so busy pushing Official Liberal Goals and Approved Liberal Opinions, there's no way conservatives can take them seriously.

In not so many other words, if liberals could stop being politically correct (his words) in thought and action, they'd start seeing things like conservatives! Then they'd have listeners up the wazoo, by gum.

As much as this is deserving of derision, it's the statement about an agenda which caught my attention. Just for the moment and sake of argument let's say everyone has one. Now, go check the conservative personalities on your radio dial for the next few days. Listen as they spend a considerable amount of time on the Hillary Clinton interview. You know they will, oh yes, they can't help themselves! Take note of the number of times they characterize her as liar, as calculating, as cold, as a dupe for love. Get up close to the speaker as they replay or speak her words, all the while mocking, abusing, lampooning her along the way. Count the number of times anyone named Clinton, anyone who associates with anyone named Clinton, and anyone with a political, social, or personal interest similar to that of anyone named Clinton, gets the same treatment from them.

A formidable labor I've set upon you. Sorry 'bout that.

So what kind of obsessive, putrid shit is the conservative agenda if this is what it has us listening to? One point in it's favor: at least it has me posting to Blurried Musings after a three-month hiatus. Shit or not, their agenda is my fertilizer.


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